This is a piece from my current project. I’m putting this on my site to receive feedback. So please, give it to me.
Louie and Farah had to go to school that morning in the same clothes. They stayed at the pond too long so that neither of them had time to go home, not even to brush their teeth or eat their Cheerios. They were fully aware of what time it was the whole morning.
Louie didn’t think twice about smelling like fish all day at school. It bothered Farah a little, but she’d rather disappear than let anyone suspect it. Things were not as easy now that they had all entered high school. Farah’s already high state of self-consciousness worsened now that people way past her pubescent level saw her everyday. She was still a narrow-bodied girl with barely-there lumps on her chest and a lack of any sort of body hair. She looked malnourished, a waif. A look several girls actually admired, but she detested. Her sole comfort in the waiting line for the signs of puberty (that would never come) was Lexy, whose day would come, but not until Senior year. The two girls would not enter their moon cycles until they could drive a car.
They were together in this, this deprivation of blatant sexuality in their youth, which allowed them not to dwell on it. Louie, on the other hand, who had long ago figured out all the places to put his anxious cock, ached over the innocence his two loves seeped out of their trailing scents. Their virtue raped his dreams since his first moist wake in the night. It was a love-hate relationship.
It had carried on like this for longer than Louie had ever thought it could. He had it in mind that he would be able to at least kiss Lexy again since that evening when they talked about the horrors of Farah’s siblings, but they were all reaching sixteen now, and he still had not been able to find a moment to make one of the girls’ lips and tongues and training bras be his to handle. To his constant disappointment, Farah and Lexy would have nothing of the sort, and Louie had never even tried. At this point, Louie had formed at whole new sense around what Farah and Lexy were feeling, what they needed and wanted, and it was never him in the way that he wanted them, so he kept his anxious cock to himself.
“Why is turning sixteen sweet?” Lexy asked on her own day to conquer the legal driving age.
“Because we all get to go to prom this year and lose our virginities,” said Farah.
“Gross.” The three of them were walking to class, two girls in front side by side, Louie behind and tuning out.
Contrary to Farah and Lexy’s stage of development, Louie was well beyond his years. He’d been shaving nearly everyday since he was thirteen, and finally decided to give it up last month when he couldn’t bear the foul sight of razor burn on his face any longer. He now wears a faint scruff and the rest of the hair in a high bun, which would continue to be his look into his early thirties. He wore jackets and pants from the army surplus store and glasses on Fridays when he couldn’t be bothered to put in his contacts. He didn’t care for underwear of any kind and was very particular about his socks. Louie was the yearbook photographer, which meant he had to attend several school events, activities, and games to shoot them, so his training of being on the sidelines were well in place.
“Who’s losing their virginity?” he asked, perking his head up. Farah looked back at him and smirked.
“Bye,” she said and turned into Physics while Lexy and Louie continued to English.
Farah always liked to take note of what Mr. Steve wore everyday. Today it was thin black trousers, Converse sneakers, and a white button up, last two buttons undone. He combed his longish hair all the way back so that by the afternoon, strands of it fell in his face. He was in his late forties, married, two children. His face was soft and bland, but he always seemed to have color to it year round. Farah liked him because he wasn’t anything to notice. He was what girls always referred to as a “really nice guy”. She studied for his tests so that she wouldn’t embarrass herself with a bad grade in front of him. She liked him because he didn’t want his students to feel he was unapproachable, so he had them call him Mr. Steve instead of Mr. Ronald.
It was this day, the same day Louie came to her bedroom and asked her if she wanted to go fishing at dawn, Lexy’s birthday, that she’d let the rest of the school confirm what they already suspected: that Farah was insane.
Derick Sanderson sat next to Farah in Physics. He used to send her secret admirer notes for Valentines Day in grade school, then tell everyone he had made a fool of Farah because they were really from him. He was the boy who made fun of her in the 8th grade for having mosquito bites for tits. He was an athlete, a smart student, and had been in love with Farah since he was a boy. He occasionally rode by her house at night, the same way he used to except on his bicycle, now in a Chevy SS and very seldom.
When they were kids, it was easier to stare at Farah from a distance, because nobody knew what to do with someone they had silly, confusing feelings for. Now that he knew exactly what he would do with Farah if she would only let him, she was a constant sign of rejection that sat next to him everyday.
To Farah, though, Derick was just a boy with hormones gushing through his body and not enough blood to his head. She put up with him, like she had to put up with everyone else. Derick was not as blasé about his Physics partner, though, and decided today would be the day to test his capabilities.
He pulled out a note he wrote the night before (several times) out of his pocket and placed it in front of Farah. Mr. Steve was in the middle of his lecture and Farah had her attention far away from her lab partner. Derick was trembling inside, a feeling he was not familiar with, and it terrified him even more that Farah could make him feel in such a way.
“Farah,” he barely whispered. She flinched and looked at him. He darted his eyes to the small piece of paper that was folded up and sitting below her. She looked down and picked up the paper, then unfolded it and read it.
Derick didn’t think she would read it right away or in front of him. He had imagined she would put it in her pocket and never mention it again, or at best, come to him with no underwear on beneath her skirt and beg him to have her. He underestimated her no bullshit way of living and panicked as he watched her read what he wrote:
I’ve wanted you since I can remember. I know I’ve been horrible to you in the past, but only because I didn’t know what to do with how I felt about you. I’m an asshole. Please meet me tonight in the Dairy Queen parking lot at 10pm. I’ll be in my car (the black Chevy SS).
Farah read it twice to make sure she was reading it right, or that it was really for her. She glanced back up at him and saw his eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Neither of them knew what to do next, both of them extremely uncomfortable. These seconds beating like angry hearts between them were the last of silence, as Derick then burst out in laughter instead of facing the rejection that he knew would then surely come. He laughed uncontrollably. His face turned red and tears seeped out of the corners of his eyes. The veins in his temples pounded and he clenched his stomach.
Farah remained quiet with the note in her hand. She looked around the classroom, everyone staring, waiting for her to do something. Derick quieted himself and turned to the front of the class with a smirk on his face.
“What the hell is so funny?” asked Mr. Steve.
“Well,” Derick began. Before he could continue, Farah picked up a tray of glass beakers and smashed them on the floor.
“You fucker!” she yelled, then swung a hard punch into Derick’s jaw. Mr. Steve bolted over to Farah and held her back as she tried to swing again. He placed himself in front of her and pointed to the door, signaling for her to get out. She turned around and left the room, slamming the door behind her and herself against the wall. All she could see was Derick’s face smiling back at her, and she wanted to punch it again and again. She imagined blood squirting out of his nose and mouth, the vessels bursting in the whites of his eyes, her fist punching it again until he was unrecognizable.
“What’s wrong with you?” Mr. Steve had come out of the classroom and leaned next to her.
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Look, you can’t do things like that, Farah. You know that.”
“Yes. I know that.”
“Then why did you do it?”
“I couldn’t stop myself. He’s a disgusting person. Men are so fucking disgusting.” Her chin started to tremble, but she shook her head before she dared to let out a tear. Mr. Steve looked at her, surprised at how little he had to say. He wanted to touch her. He could not think of one thing he really wanted to say or do to her that was appropriate.
“The only thing I can really do right now, as your teacher, is tell you to go to the principal’s office. I’m sorry.” Farah looked up at him and shook her head. She knew he meant it.
“Okay.” She turned down the hallway and did as she was told. She got detention for the rest of the semester, was placed into a different Physics class, and was suspended for the rest of the week.
From that point on, her school saw Farah as The Crazy Girl. She liked it, mostly, as it kept people away from her, but it also made her sad. She never wanted to be that person, but she was born into a life that could only make a person crazy. Sometimes it scared her too, because she wondered if she really was crazy if everyone thought it so but her.
Derick made sure people continued to remember her as The Crazy Girl and made up stories about her throwing dogs off bridges and running over her own brother. The funny thing was, the whole incident didn’t change what he felt about Farah. In fact, Derick wanted Farah more than before.
From that day on, every time Derick jerked off in the shower, he would imagine Farah punching him in the jaw right as he was about to come.